AIDS Epidemic/ Jazmine JM

My interviewee has been living with HIV/AIDS for 20 years.She talks about how she feels and how she felt about AIDS. She prefers to stay Anonymous.

First Interview
Are you on any medicine?
I’m on 5-6 pills to keep my viral load down. I’m only on these pills for the HIV virus because there are no medications for AIDS. But the crazy part of it I have to 15-16 pills now for the side effects of the drug cocktail to keep my viral load. These drugs have prolonged my life; I have been living with HIV/AIDS for 20 years. From the side effects though I have developed diabetes and the doctors say that diabetes is more likely to kill me than AIDS. I just wish these drugs were as affective back when I first got diagnosed because all my friends that had AIDS are dead now. The drug companies for a long time only tested their drugs on men so women didn’t have access to them. None of my friends were on medication until it was too late. When they did finally test on women we had different reaction to the drugs and that’s another reason why some died.
Do you have to get your viral load checked daily?
No, I do not. Maybe once or twice a month.
Has treatment changed since you got diagnosed?
Treatment has changed a lot. Women can take medication now, which is a huge plus. There use to be only AZT but now there’s multiple medication and prescriptions.
Do you have to take medication daily?
15-16 pills on a regular basis.
Do you have any limitations?
No, not really. I have my good and bad days. But limitations, I don’t have... (thinking to herself).. But I do have bathroom issues some days. You can call that an issue that’s a limitation if you think. When I do have those bad days I cannot go out the house. Because of the drugs I get diaherra some times and that’s unpredictable. I think that’s a limitation. I can’t go to the club or anything... (Laughs out loud)
Do you have HIV or full blown AIDS? (It was more kind of a question, when asked.)
I have full blown AIDS.
How do your medications play in your financials?
That’s a good question. Well I don’t have to buy my medication. I get coupons for them. But I know people that do have to buy them and it’s expensive.
How old are you?
I’m 43 years old.
When did you find out you were positive?
I was diagnosed in 1991 and I had HIV. But in 1994 I was diagnosed with full blown AIDS.
Have you seen anything change in the AIDS community?
The face of AIDS has changed. It uses to be druggies and gay men for a long time. But now it’s moved to women and children, women from Africa. Basically just the whole African continent. I’ve noticed lots of black men also. So the face of AIDS has been the greatest change in my opinion. Wait, not just black men, but men of color in general. I’ve also seen that people have been living longer due to the new drugs.
How did you get associated with Babes Network?
I got associated with AIDS after I moved up here from LA. After I got diagnosed, I didn’t have any family and there weren’t support groups from women. So through word of mouth basically, I heard about Pat and her network. I was the last to join the support group before it became this big agency.
Were there support groups for women, back then?
No, they only thought men got it. So nothing really was out there for us.
What was your 1st reaction when you found out you were positive?
You know I was basically devastated. I had just moved up here from LA, I was living in a shelter at the time. I found out on New Year’s Eve. It was just all bad. But the worst thing was when I got the results back the doctor came in told me I had HIV and ran out the room. Really? Yes, after that I just thought that I was going to die. I didn’t know what to do. I had no family. Nothing. I was depressed for a week or so. But then I just had to move on. But for a long time I was angry.
How did you contract the virus?
Well I don’t really know. There are two ways I think. When I was in a gang I had been shot and needed a blood transfusion. So that could have been a way of me getting it. Um, the other way was through sex. My homeboys always went to jail and that’s a way they could have got it. And back then we never used condoms, so ya know unprotected sex. But I don’t really know how.
Anything else, you would want to tell me?
No, not really that’s me in a nutshell. But you know what you gotta be doing. Don’t let no boy, man try to break you. Hold your head up high and handle yours.

My second interviewee Kelly has a beautiful son. She has experienced living with HIV during her pregnancy and her not passing it along to her son. She is thankful for her life and her son. She continues to help and educate women in the community.

Second interview
When did you contract AIDS?
I tested positive in April of 2000. I was 23 years old.
Why did you choose to get diagnosed?
One month before that my boyfriend at the time had gotten really sick and ended up going to the hospital. It was there that he found out that he had AIDS. I’ll never forget the night that he came to my house and broke the news to me. We were sitting out on my front porch when he told me that he had something he had to tell me. He broke out in tears and told me that he just found out that he has AIDS. My initial feeling was shock. I was so naive. In my mind AIDS didn’t happen to people like me.

What do you mean people like you?
A good person. That hasn’t done anything to deserve this.

How did you react to the news?
I didn’t believe it. I thought it was more of maybe than for certain. For the first month or so I made it more his issue than mine. I didn’t even get tested until a month after he told me. He was so stressed and sick that I put all my energy into supporting him and caring for him.
Did you chose to get tested, how are you certain you have it?
Finally, I did get tested. A man came to my boyfriend’s apartment and tested me there. Two weeks later he came back with my results. It was then that I was told that I too was infected with HIV.
I remember the man being nervous to leave me alone. I didn’t cry or anything though. It was so surreal. I left my boyfriend’s and walked home. As soon as I got there I went into my roommate’s bedroom and told her the news. We sat on her bed, cried and hugged each other. That was one of the rare times that I actually did cry about my HIV.

What was your plan? Were you devastated and depressed?
I wasn’t going to let it get the best of me though. I’ve dealt with a lot of hard things in my life. I knew I could deal with this too. I believe that the hardships that I have gone through have given me depth and character and these are two characteristics that I am very proud to have. So, what I decided to do was to use my HIV to help educate others.

Did you choose to keep it a secret? How did you plan to educate others?
I told people in my life almost right away. I wanted people to know in hopes that my situation would be a reality check for them. HIV does happen to people like me. This meant that it could happen to them too. Anyone that I have ever told has always been so supportive. I’ve been very fortunate. In the past four years or so I have also done tons of public speaking engagements to help educate and bring awareness to the general public.

That’s wonderful, tell me about being pregnant with you son. How did that come about?
About a year after my diagnosis I became pregnant. I got as educated as possible on HIV and pregnancy and decided to carry out my pregnancy and have my baby. After the first trimester I was put on antiretroviral to lower the chances of transmitting the virus to my baby. My son, thankfully, was born HIV negative. He is now eight years old, beautiful and the greatest joy in my life. During my pregnancy my t-cells dropped a lot. By the time my son was a year old my t-cells were at 129.
Do you take medication, and how many?

I currently take one pill a day to help keep my HIV under control. The disease did progress very quickly in me though. I seem to have a pretty good hold on it now, but in 2002 I did get an AIDS diagnosis.
I’ve heard that the side effects for medication are horrible, have you experienced any?
I’ve never been ill due to the virus itself though. I did get very sick from some medication I was on to help prevent me from getting pneumonia. I was put on two different medications and both of them gave me violent allergic reactions. And, yes, that was a very difficult time for me. But, I got through it.
How are you doing, now?
My t-cells are now at 794, my viral load is undetectable and I feel great. I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon. I have a positive outlook on life and a good attitude. Two things that I believe will carry me into old age. Plus, I have too much to do still. And, most importantly, I have an amazing son that I need to be here for.

This was an e-mail interview since she didn’t have time to meet with me. This is her story that she tells all women she meets that want to know her story. She wrote this herself and added in some of the answers to my questions.

3rd Interview
It’s October 2000, and I am 25 years old. I got a phone call from my ex-boyfriend Dave asking me to get to the hospital right away! I was 45 minutes away, so I asked him, “why?” He said the doctor needed to talk to me. I thought to myself, “what for?” and asked him again, “What’s going on?” He just said, “GET HERE!!” I got in my car and on my way. The hospital was 45 minutes away, and all I could do was think, and that was the worst part. I was too shocked and scared to cry. I knew he was sick – he had been in the hospital for two weeks – but I couldn’t figure out why the doctor wanted to talk to me. I had been broken up with Dave for a whole year! The only thing I kept thinking was that he had AIDS. What else could it be? My brain was scrambling, my heart was racing; I just kept thinking what could it be? Is it my worst fear? Could he have AIDS?
I made it to the hospital. My legs were shaking, my whole body was shaking. I got into the elevator and pushed 7. He was on the 7th floor. I thought for sure I was going to pass out or throw up the entire time. As I walked into his room, he was pale, sick and hooked up to all kinds of machines. I sat down next to him and said, “OK, I am ready, what’s wrong?” He looked into my eyes and said, “Nicole, I have AIDS.” I looked at him with confusion. I had heard of HIV/AIDS, but what does that mean? He said that he will still live a normal life with the help of medications and taking good care of himself! It took a couple of minutes for it to sink in, and then I realized, “oh my goodness, that means I could have HIV or AIDS, as well, because I had been in a relationship with him for 5 years!” I can’t explain the shock I felt, and as I left the hospital the world looked so different to me.
I knew that now I needed to be tested and, man, was I terrified. I got tested about a week later, still visiting Dave everyday in the hospital. It took 2 weeks to get my results back and, let me tell you, I about drove myself batty wondering what the results would be. When I went to the testing site to find out my diagnosis I really didn’t want to go. My best friend Colleen had taken me to get tested and was driving me to get my results. On the way, I told her that I had come to a conclusion. I felt in my heart that things happen for a reason, and if I am HIV positive, then there was a reason for it. We got to the clinic and walked in. I had a paper that had a number on it. As the man was walking me to the room for privacy, I told him I was feeling like I was going to get sick, and he asked me if I knew what was going on. I replied, “What do you mean, do I know what is going on?” He then said, “Why don’t you come in so we can talk?” I became angry. I told him I didn’t want to talk. Here was my paper, “just tell me my results,” I said. He wouldn’t let me bring Colleen in the room, so I went in and shut the door and handed him the paper and said, “I don’t want to talk, just TELL ME!” He said, “You are HIV positive.” I opened the door, and Colleen was standing there, and I nodded my head yes to her and leaned up against the door and slid down to the floor! She just hugged me and kept saying, “We will get through this, you are going to be ok.” I didn’t cry. I was so shocked. We left the clinic, with Colleen holding me up because my body was weak.
For the first two weeks all I wanted to do was sleep. After that buried myself in finishing college and after I graduated I kept myself busy working 2-3 jobs at a time and slept when I wasn’t working. Two years later I decided to pull my life back together I enrolled I enrolled in an outpatient treatment program to help me quit using meth which I had been using for 6 years. One year later I moved to the Seattle area to live with my mom and step dad and found BABES. With the support of my entire family and BABES I knew I was going to be ok!
My 7 year anniversary of my diagnosis just passed. I have come along way since then. I have been on HIV meds for over 3 years and am undetectable. I have 5 years clean from using meth, I am a peer counselor to other HIV positive women, and I am very involved with public speaking and educating others on this disease. I have traveled to Washington, DC, to speak to my senators about my story and advocate for others who may not be ready to share their stories. I can’t say I am happy that I have HIV, but I am happy that I am able to make a difference in people’s lives by sharing my experiences. I am happy in my own skin, and I look forward to a long and successful life living with HIV!